you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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