I smell stomach acid.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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