Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
