We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize