none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
