I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
