i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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