Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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