dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
4 words: hood of his car
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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