You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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