Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
