dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
