i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize