Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
