I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
