it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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