i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just pee around me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
