we're blogging at a bar
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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