im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize