Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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