I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
