I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
