drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
