it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
