you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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