Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
