Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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