god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize