i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
