just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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