you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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