dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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