never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
