I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
