just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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