i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
