I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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