just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
