he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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