So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
