its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Randomize
