Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need a beard to bite.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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