i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
