dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
