thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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