I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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