i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
