she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
