i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
