I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
