He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
