Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
