I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
