No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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