It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
