she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
