I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize