is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
