How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
