I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
