Sry I called you an 8
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
