Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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