You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im having a threesome with these popsicles
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She's just so happy...and so naked.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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