Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
