if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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