foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
