Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Randomize