There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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