$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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