His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
