Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If that was your dad, he is hot
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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