Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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