I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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