life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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