hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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