nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
