her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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