That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
