All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
