do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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