So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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