im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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