Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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